my testimony
MY TESTIMONY
Before I became a Christian I was struggling with stress and depression. At a young age, I am asking myself, what is my purpose here on Earth. Then I tried to find my purpose through religion. I thought I was a Christian because at that time I believed that being a Christian is just simply being baptized in water when you were a baby. Then I tried different churches and finally stick to Catholicism, maybe there I would find God. I attended different bible schools and suddenly became a church leader in our school. I became active in our church. Every Saturday we prepare for the mass. Then, I became a sacristan and as time went by I almost memorized the dialogue of the priest.
I realized that all the religious teaching in school was just a mere doctrine. I also realized that when I went to our church, we were only creating friendships and barkadas and not relationship with God. I was a religious man at that time but I felt that God is far from me. Then I tried to read the Bible, maybe in reading the Bible I could find what I was looking for. But the sad thing was that I really don’t understand it and deep in my heart the word of God didn’t affect me. My heart was troubled because I felt that God was so far from me. There came a point in my life that I asked myself, “Does God truly exists? Why is that I don’t feel Him? At that time I felt that God does not exist.
Everyday was just an ordinary day, nothing’s change. I lived my life with no direction at all. Then I stop attending my Church because I realized that it was not what I was looking for. Then when I was in college I was just like any other people that intellectually believed that there is God but living my life like there is no God. I tried to find happiness with my friends, everyday after class we would drink beer and get drunk on alcohol. I came to a point that I was getting addicted to it. All of my allowance was spent on drinking sessions. At that time I was living in darkness and I felt that my life had no worth. At that time I had no one to hold on, even my family. All of my problems, I just keep it to myself and I lost my trust in my family and friends.
On February 2006, a Korean approached me and introduced himself, he said he is Simon. Then he invited me to their house and introduced to me the Four Spiritual Laws. I was so curious because it was new to me. Then I humbly received Jesus Christ but my heart was troubled because I felt that nothing happened to me. I even didn’t feel that He was with me. I depend on my feelings and I lost my faith in His promise that if I sincerely received Him as my Savior and Lord, He is with me and He will never leave nor forsake me. Then I reviewed the 4sl. It said that do not depend on our feelings or emotions and our authority is God’s word and His promise.
God revealed to me that I should trust God that if I will just believe that He is with me, then He is really with me. Then my heart was filled with joy and happiness. I thank God that He answered all the questions that troubled my heart. God is really great and powerful, He can really touch the heart and lives of the people.
But then, my life as a Christian is not as easy as I was expected. My Christian life was like a roller coaster ride, I had my spiritual ups and downs. Every time that I wanted to do good, the temptations was near to me and I could do nothing about that. Then I would asked God for forgiveness, in my mind I believed that I was already forgiven but in my heart I was not because I always disobey God’s word.
Before our vacation in school, our Korean friends convinced us for almost an hour that we must go to the PCCC leadership training camp. By God’s will everything go by according to His plan. That camp was really a big blessing for me there; God made me realized that I was a Carnal Christian. That’s why I lived in a defeated way and didn’t experience the abundant life that God had promised.
God made me realized my spiritual brokenness. My spirit was so broken because I did not submit my self to God. So I prayed to God teach me what to do and fix my brokenness. In the camp we had an activity wherein we asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to us all our sins we committed. We wrote it on a piece of paper and we must believed that all our sins are forgiven- past, present and future- and torn the paper into pieces. As I prayed I was filled with the Holy Spirit and revealed to me that by faith I can confess my sins and repent.
Everyday as I read the Bible, for me everything is brand new. God’s word is really powerful and brings happiness to my spirit. There is another thing that God commanded me – everything that I learned from Him I must share it to others.
Everyday of my Life, I always thank Him for giving me the abundant life that I’m experiencing right now. Even up to this time I’m still experiencing trials and problems, but I know God is with me and I’m holding on to His promise that He will never leave me. Right now, my goal is to please God with the Guidance of the Holy Spirit and not to become a people pleaser. God is really great and powerful, He changed a sinful man like me. Right now I have one disciple and God helped me to become a fruitful Christian. God is worthy of our praise. TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOREVER.
